I see for the first time how all of this… these toys, dishes, blankets, drawings and other traces of you living beside me… will make my heart ache when you’re grown. I will mourn the present someday – I already feel it. Last night, while creeping into your room as you both slept, there was a moment where I couldn’t catch my breath. I physically felt the pain of your growing up. It made me so sad… heartbroken.
I get it folks, all of you older and wiser strangers that CONTINUALLY remind me to “enjoy every moment”… well, you nailed it. I see for the first time, a small glimpse from your perspective. And you’re right, I should. I must live in the present – enjoy it ALL. I’ll find the good in everything, because honestly, it’s ALWAYS there. You just have to pay attention and sometimes use some creativity.
I’m not being frustratingly interrupted as I type this, rather my daughter is looking at me with the sincerest eyes asking for a pumpkin to carve because, like her Mama, she loves Halloween. My son is not trying to make me break my concentration as I work, instead he is merely a growing boy and thinks a yogurt sounds like a wonderful snack right now. And yes, he will shrivel up and die if he waits one second longer. You see, it’s not really about ME at all. They aren’t trying to make my life difficult – they just have A LOT of their own needs now, and it won’t always be this way. It’s temporary.
So I’m going to choose to pay attention to my life – finding the GREAT in the ordinarily mundane tasks I think I hate. It will take practice. It will take patience. But it WILL be worth the effort.
And then, my hope is that someday, I will say to my past self… “Thank you.”
For the rest of the kids were here project, click here.